Have you ever… Jumped out of a perfectly good airplane? Surprisingly fun. I recommend. SCUBA diving always made sense to me. You get to control the where, the what, the depth. I figured skydiving would just be a thing you do to say you went, but I am wrong. Lots of fun and far more agency than one might guess.

Have you ever… Watched her run to you and realize “Oh, home doesn’t have to be a place”? To not just know sleep, but to know rest. To put your head in her lap and it doesn’t matter what’s on the TV. If it makes her happy, it goes on, end of discussion.

Have you ever… Looked across the canvas from another man thinking “I’m gonna take what he loves.”? It doesn’t sound nearly as macho when 30 seconds later you’re begging him to tell you that he’s ok. To hurt, yes. To damage, never. Teddy Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena. And you live with countless memories of people who could have watched the light fade from your eyes if they didn’t remove their forearms from your throat when you tapped their shoulder, so pump the breaks there killer.

“To do something you love, are terrified of, and yet acknowledge as pragmatically pointless is art.”

Have you ever… Had your hands gently massaged? One of the sexier feelings ever. Can’t recommend it enough.

“Will you sing?”

“Only if you tell me a story later.”

“Deal.”

“Once upon a time….”

Have you ever… Watched a woman you love die slow and hard in front of you? She’s a tough, stubborn old bird, so she refuses to show fear, but every now and then you’ll get a text message in the middle of the night from outside her bedroom door.

“I’m scared.”

God and I are going to have a discussion later.

“How’s birthday cake for breakfast sound?”

One of the hardest things will be the knowledge that there is nothing more to do. There will be no refuge to take in thoughts of, “If only I had.”

Have you ever… Thrown a tennis ball over the head of a mangy Tallahassee street dog? The ball will sail over his dome in the yard. Ten toes tall on D-Block, but he’ll jump on you.

“Alright. We’re getting you out of here, buddy.”

 His paperwork will cost more than him, but he will pay you back in a million road trips and goofball moments. He’ll win more than a few hearts and urinate in more states than a lot of people have set foot in.

“He’s a tramp, but they love him. Breaks a new heart every day.” – Peggy Lee & Sonny Burke

Have you ever… Rolled over in the morning to watch a beautiful woman’s eyes flutter open? It already makes your day when she smiles seeing you’re the first person she gets to speak to.

“How’d you sleep?”
“Terribly. Awful dream.”
“Why? What happened?”

“I was walking in this field. The grass was soft and green. The sun was warm, and flowers were just starting to bloom. There was this stream, and the water was so clear and so crisp that I barely noticed the snow on the mountaintops in the distance.”

“Then how did the dream go bad?”

“You weren’t there.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Have you ever… run through a crowd yelling her name? Bold wager there champ.

You get the bad ending and you’re just another schmuck holding grocery store flowers in the rain. And walking in a dripping suit sucks. I don’t think I need to ask anyone how they feel about wet socks.

You get the good ending, people coo and clap while you dip her and laugh at each other. Each attempt to talk being met with a demand to know why in the hell you’re not kissing me right now, feeling like the end of a 90’s movie and you just barged your way through an airport terminal.

But hey, wouldn’t be a fairy tale without some deep dark woods and dragons living in gingerbread houses.